Becoming independent and keeping my distance with others is the best thing I have ever done for myself. I used to be so caught up in the crowd and I would always be worried that I wouldn’t be accepted, but then I realized I can’t put my feelings and future self in someone else’s hands. Now that I’m not following the crowd anymore and I’m finally doing what I want without the thought of being judged has made me a better person who makes better decisions. I have also been more confident because I don’t care what others think of me. I can finally be myself around anyone, not just certain people, and I keep my distance with those who’s personalities don’t fit mine. I’m only going to get better, and hopefully it will help lead me towards success in anything I aspire to do.
I could write a never ending book of all the ways we could’ve met
my daydreams and high expectations are getting to my head
even though there’s nothing to hold on to,
I still can’t get my mind off of you
I’ve seen you in my dreams, but you wouldn’t remember me
you would run away, but i know it was meant to be
I hear your voice mixed in with my thoughts
it would be a dream come true if our paths eventually crossed
you keep me up at night, wondering if you are the only one who’s right
maybe I just love you in my dreams and I need to snap back to reality
Maybe you would understand if you were willing to take my hand
and take a step into my world, so many stories I kept to myself, for so long they were untold
I hope you’re worth trusting because I know I’m not perfect, so don’t run away
they say I’m just another brick in the wall, but without me the walls would fall down
my mind is a different place than any other, so it will take some getting used to
i don’t think anybody has understood me the way I think you do
I’m afraid my differences will be too overwhelming, so you’ll leave me, but it’s worth the heartache
I’m always mad, mostly at myself, because I give up too easily especially when something gets hard. I have talents that I want to share with the world and be known by them, but I’m not motivated enough to go through with them. It’s hard when I’m more lazy than ambitious.
I always make up scenarios in my mind about what could happen if I decide to do certain things, but then I snap back to reality and realize that none of it will happen. I get caught up in my unrealistic fantasies, so I don’t have the mindset to work on reality and my future. I want to do music and/ or songwriting because it’s what I enjoy most and always makes me feel accomplished and satisfied with myself. I just need to get out of my head, do something real and just keep trying. The hardest part of taking action is knowing where to start.
It’s difficult to put yourself out there when there are hundreds of thousands of people doing the same thing, so it just comes down to luck. This is why I get so attached to my dreams because the chances of them coming true are so slim, it’s not motivating enough to become a goal, a priority. Even though I do take music and writing seriously, what are the chances of becoming successful in those areas? Maybe I just need some luck and I’ll make it.
I want to wake up and go on the rooftop
To get some fresh air and let the wind blow in my hair
Watch the sun rise until it’s all the way up high
Appreciate the city in daylight, no neon lights
To have a view of everyone and their dreams is a dream for me
So many different people and stories I would pay to hear and see
To see the daytime workers transition to night time party hoppers
Everyone’s different lifestyle makes the city complete, diverse, and unique
Money or nothing, there’s always something to see
The struggle to live here makes me a part of the jungle
To live in a great city and experience life, that is the beauty
So wake me up and bring me to the rooftop
I build these friendships when I am the only one constantly giving and helping my “friends” out. I don’t expect anything in return, but when they start taking advantage and not appreciating what I do for them, that’s when I get sick of it. I like helping others, just not the ones who expect it. I can’t be in a relationship where I don’t help the other out because that’s just wrong, but everyone else seems to be doing just that. I’m better off on my own and keeping my distance with others so I still have a social life, but can accomplish my goals without anyone interfering.
Ever since I was younger, I would catch myself in these situations with unappreciative friends, so purposely I would distance myself and remove them from my life, and they never made an effort to contact me when I did this, so I knew they weren’t worth it. These people are out of my life now, I shouldn’t have to deal with anyone who doesn’t make me a better person.
Recently I have cut out my best friend since 3rd grade because as we grew older, I realized she was the anchor in my life: always bringing me down, not supporting me, made me feel stupid, etc. Basically she only affected me in negative ways and I finally let go on the far-too-long-going friendship for good. Ever since I became independent, I have been a better person and accomplished so much on my own, without putting my happiness in someone else’s hands, which is a big mistake anyone can make.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been friends with someone, what matters is how they treated you.
The older I get, the more I learn,
and the more I know.
The more I know, the more my thoughts take over.
But either way I get hurt,
between being oblivious and having the knowledge that causes stress and worry.
I want to stop growing mentally