can’t sleep, can’t dream
can’t keep the sheets on my bed neat
im tired, not sleepy, how can I fall asleep
all night I toss and turn and my mind has no rest
I’m half awkake the whole night, I can barely survive the next day
my head hurts, i have no break
between now and the morning
I need help, maybe another weekend
to tire myself out through the booze and get some sleep again
I miss it, just dozing off
deep sleeps and cleansed mindset
I doubt anyone knows
we’re all worn out from something
all have a different story
different excuses for being exhausted
some have it worse
but lacking sleep is one of the worst
it’s not my bed
it’s not my sheets
it’s not the lights fading above me
it’s probably my late night thoughts that attack me
without rest my body shakes
my mind races, my body gets hot
but the air is too cold
I can never be comfortable
I have to settle for something
I just need sleep
let me fall
give me a break
I need to dream and wake up clean of yesterday’s negativity

may 28th 12:05 am



the sun is out
it is strong
now my body is hot

i feel cool
like the breeze
and the dewy grass beneath me

i feel fresh
like the flowers
that i lay in, they’re so small

i find shade
cools me off
watch the others run around

what the fuck is this

may 18, 2015 8:35 PM

new sun

it’s been months
finally the sun has come out
was I in a dark dream
have i just woken up
this sunlight, so foreign
like the first time i’m feeling it
it’s almost nostalgic
triggers mood so pensive
open up the shades
let the real light in

high school heart

she would cry every night trying to get him to love her again
her eyes were dark and full of sadness, a feeling she never planned

she went months without him, she started going mad
just one more touch was all she would ask

losing him, dreaming of him, she missed all the times
they used to be inseparable, in his hands, her heart still lies
time went by until she realized what had been missing
the hurt in her heart was his fault from the beginning

once again she found herself late at night
wondering why he had been gone this whole time

she knew the truth and it hurt to hear it from him
but the truth is better than not knowing a thing

if he loved her why would he leave her
hurting, breaking, alone
maybe because she didn’t know the love she had for him
until he was long gone

December 30 2:02 AM


time in slow motion
wonder who you’re lovin
now things are different
I’m on this side holdin onto nothin

walk away, walk away from me
away from this place, i’ll let you be
my heart beats too fast, I can’t sleep
no more of this, you did this to me

time goes too fast,i can’t see
when I look back
everything is so blurry

our perception of time was different
connection we had was lost, so distant
was it good, was it bad, who cares/doesn’t matter, you already left
all I have left are all those songs you wrote
did you mean them, or was our time here just a joke

october 22, 2015 1:37 PM on train to London

i cannot be broken

I’m not afraid of rejection
just afraid of being broken
it’s like spending your life building something
then getting it torn apart and left with nothing

I see how it works
how people think others are worth
at first it’s all love
then they all end up hurt

you can say no to me
go ahead, show honesty
but I don’t want to be stuck in a fantasy
wake up one day to a nightmare on elm street

I’m afraid of finally falling in love
then being left for someone better
I’m afraid of being the only one to not know
if something is wrong, if there’s another girl

I’m afraid of being who I always said I wouldn’t be
I don’t want someone to break me
I cannot be broken

(from November 4, 2015 21:45)

this train

as this train slows down
my heart speeds up
spent hours in this seat
it’s time to get up

time to move forward
just like the train
get ready for the next few months
in this new city

I have nothing
I have nobody
all I have are these heavy bags
too big for me

took myself out of a familiar place
now in this city
not one recognizable face

(October 23, 2015 12:14 AM [London])