blurry

time in slow motion
wonder who you’re lovin
now things are different
I’m on this side holdin onto nothin

walk away, walk away from me
away from this place, i’ll let you be
my heart beats too fast, I can’t sleep
no more of this, you did this to me

time goes too fast,i can’t see
when I look back
everything is so blurry

our perception of time was different
connection we had was lost, so distant
was it good, was it bad, who cares/doesn’t matter, you already left
all I have left are all those songs you wrote
did you mean them, or was our time here just a joke

october 22, 2015 1:37 PM on train to London

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this train

as this train slows down
my heart speeds up
spent hours in this seat
it’s time to get up

time to move forward
just like the train
get ready for the next few months
in this new city

I have nothing
I have nobody
all I have are these heavy bags
too big for me

took myself out of a familiar place
now in this city
not one recognizable face

(October 23, 2015 12:14 AM [London])

guide me there

brain dead
body numb
sleep on sleep
no work done

morning comes
wake up wake up
Truman show
home, but lost

less sleep
more time
brain works
I’m fine

lead the way
out of here
creative mind
guide me there

Trust Only Yourself

If there’s anything I learned in high school, it’s never trust anybody, even ones who seem closest to you. People will betray you because they will act without thinking twice about their relationship with you. If you learn to not get attached, you won’t get hurt. I learned that I should keep my distance with people, especially when I feel that I’m getting too close with someone. Getting too close and personal can lead to bad situations, it always happens to me, at least.

I haven’t experienced betrayal as much as I’ve witnessed it, maybe because I see everything from the outside of situations since I’m not caught up in drama or the people really involved in it. In some ways I like being different than others, but sometimes I wish I was going through the same emotions and problems as others instead of knowing right from wrong. I want to experience heartbreak and excitement. Recently, I took a step back and really thought about my relationship with my “friends,” and honestly I don’t even consider anybody a friend anymore. Everybody is a lying, two-faced, selfish alien.

Even though I can’t consider anyone a friend and I can’t even trust the people I thought were my close friends, I’m happy I’m not attached to a group or a clique because being independent will be better for me in the long run. It will be easy to leave and move on from high school. I don’t listen to anybody’s opinion about who I am because I know myself better than anybody ever will and I only trust myself. 

PLUS: All the kids at my school want to do is get drunk and high, and if they can’t, they won’t even go out at all. We live right in the suburbs of New York Freaking City, what is so difficult about hopping on the train and having fun and exploring life without alcohol or drugs?