To The Moon

to the moon
i will reach
i will plant my star
in the deep, universe sea

a piece of the stars
was given to me
from the moment of my existence
a piece of my peace

to be one with this place
on earth I will stay
but I will reach the moon one day
to return the star it gave me that day

Skinny Love Explicit

i cannot open up to others
when you’re still all i think about
i don’t cross your mind
as much as i want

how can i be sure
that you don’t think of me too
when i look back on our time
i see the love you kept inside

you came to me
couldn’t let me go in the mornings
i never told you how i felt
maybe you thought i didn’t feel anything

for a short time, i was around
i didn’t want to plant something in your mind
it would only hurt, i only wanted good
i wonder if it’s too late to tell you

across the blue you are
living your life as before
but from the start you meant so much to me
i hope this can continue somehow

this is so fucking hard
you’re the only one who ever made me feel this way
eighteen years without it
but you showed me it does exist

i do hope you’re happy
however our lives end up
but for now i refuse to sit back
and not fight for my first love

i hate using that word
“love”
it’s all people talk about
but now i understand them for once

i could write about you for days
for years, pages and pages
i could never get sick of you
right now i’m missing you like crazy

i don’t want to go crazy
that’s the thing
i want to open my heart
to others around me
but if i do
i would let go of you
and that’s the last thing
i would ever want to do

whether or not you feel the same way
just to be in your life
i would feel okay

though it makes it easier on me
being so far away
but if you took a plane over the ocean
in a second i would fall hard again

i never lost feelings
they’re just easy to ignore
cause i haven’t seen you in months
i can’t do this anymore

that first day
the first day i saw you
i wrote about you
how much i already appreciated you

i guess it was love at first sight
for me, at least, from my side
even though to this day i still barely know you
i know enough to be in love with you

Not Sure What I’m Thinking

i have been feeling so empty
though i think i figured out what’s missing
i’m just afraid to get it, grab it, and realize i need to keep it
but i refuse to rely on something else, i don’t want to need anything

i’m like a walking contradiction
say one thing then change my opinion
im a hypocrisy in the flesh, living
every day different thinking

i’m inconsistent, like this weather
warm for a second, then so cold my skin cracks
i know what i need, but I don’t want to need what I know
though what i do know will make me feel better
but i’ll have to put my heart in someone else’s hands,
something i don’t want

not many seem to be alone like me
too many years gone by with this metaphorical hole only growing
i’m strong, at least I try, but a girl like me hides her weakness inside
most of the time i feel fine, but to myself there are times that I lie

i might look like i know what to do
but inside I feel like a complete fool
deceiving myself with what i think i need could be in front of me
but i just push anything away that it could be
instead of letting it become a part of me

too much time alone could help you destroy yourself
it changes you, makes you think too much
then when you find out what you need, it’s hard to go and get it
when you only know yourself, you forget what you’ve been missing

i’m like the sun on a cloudy day
i shine once in a while, when nothing gets in the way
but when i’m not seen i feel i could be wanted
but if i’m too far how could anyone tell me

i might be wanted, but my answers also seem to be hiding
but if no one can see me, they can’t tell me what they’re thinking
i’m avoiding what i thought i needed all this time
but if i need something why don’t i grab it once it’s in sight
i’m so indecisive and my thoughts are contradicting
but my mind changes every day of my life, i don’t even know what i’m thinking

Day Dreaming

Getting lost in my mind

Detaches me from what I see with my eyes.

The separation of reality and dreams

Isn’t always a bad thing, sometimes relieving.

I love losing touch with whats in front of me

And explore what’s going on in my mind.

Getting attached to my thoughts

Can actually help me.

My own personal free-for-all

Nobody needs to know about.

Letting go of the “now” to dream and use my crazy, messed up mind, 

It’s something I look forward to, it helps me sleep at night

The Little Things

The little things that make me happy:

  1. In the summer, when I walk in my house and feel the cool air after being outside in the hot sun
  2. Waking up and realizing I have more time to sleep
  3. Smiling at strangers and getting a smile back
  4. Making anyone laugh
  5. Learning a new song
  6. Seeing other people happy
  7. Getting in bed after a long day and a hot shower
  8. Imagine Dragon’s “On Top Of The World”
  9. Being complimented in person, it’s natural and honest
  10. Helping others, knowing I made a difference
  11. The view of any city from a plane

These are just a few of many things that I should appreciate more to make my day brighter and more positive.

Another Poem

Maybe you would understand if you were willing to take my hand

and take a step into my world, so many stories I kept to myself, for so long they were untold

I hope you’re worth trusting because I know I’m not perfect, so don’t run away 

they say I’m just another brick in the wall, but without me the walls would fall down

my mind is a different place than any other, so it will take some getting used to

i don’t think anybody has understood me the way I think you do

I’m afraid my differences will be too overwhelming, so you’ll leave me, but it’s worth the heartache