Skinny Love Explicit

i cannot open up to others
when you’re still all i think about
i don’t cross your mind
as much as i want

how can i be sure
that you don’t think of me too
when i look back on our time
i see the love you kept inside

you came to me
couldn’t let me go in the mornings
i never told you how i felt
maybe you thought i didn’t feel anything

for a short time, i was around
i didn’t want to plant something in your mind
it would only hurt, i only wanted good
i wonder if it’s too late to tell you

across the blue you are
living your life as before
but from the start you meant so much to me
i hope this can continue somehow

this is so fucking hard
you’re the only one who ever made me feel this way
eighteen years without it
but you showed me it does exist

i do hope you’re happy
however our lives end up
but for now i refuse to sit back
and not fight for my first love

i hate using that word
“love”
it’s all people talk about
but now i understand them for once

i could write about you for days
for years, pages and pages
i could never get sick of you
right now i’m missing you like crazy

i don’t want to go crazy
that’s the thing
i want to open my heart
to others around me
but if i do
i would let go of you
and that’s the last thing
i would ever want to do

whether or not you feel the same way
just to be in your life
i would feel okay

though it makes it easier on me
being so far away
but if you took a plane over the ocean
in a second i would fall hard again

i never lost feelings
they’re just easy to ignore
cause i haven’t seen you in months
i can’t do this anymore

that first day
the first day i saw you
i wrote about you
how much i already appreciated you

i guess it was love at first sight
for me, at least, from my side
even though to this day i still barely know you
i know enough to be in love with you

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Love: Does It Really Exist?

I don’t believe in (romantic) love. How do you know for sure you want to be with someone? Everybody has something to hide. Everybody has their flaws that are hard to accept and deal with. How do you know they’re true to who they put themselves out to be? I don’t understand how you don’t get sick of the person you’re with. I see couples everywhere I go. The ones in my school never seem happy, they’re usually together for their image or some selfish, insecure reason and end up breaking up every other month. People cheat, lie, don’t put enough effort into relationships, sometimes its a one way relationship because only one is keeping them together.

Eventually you fall out of love, you meet better people, and you change as a person every day. 

I know people will say, “if you don’t believe it, you won’t feel it,” but because I have never felt it, I will never believe it. The music I listen to is all about love, their relationships and perspectives on them. I try to put myself in their position, but I can never see myself feelings the things they do. I don’t know what it’s like to wake up every morning thinking about one person and going to sleep to dream about them. I’m not the type of person to commit. I love meeting new people and being free, not tied down, not locked up, keeping my options open.

Maybe I’m overthinking it. Maybe it’s simple, although nobody makes it seem that way. It seems complicated and like such a huge sacrifice. I can’t express my thoughts thoroughly enough.

Maybe I just figured it out…