Wish

I wish for you when I look up at the sky, counting the stars that pass by

I even make wishes on the dandelions, growing too fast in the back garden

You’re my secret wish when I blow out the candles on my birthday

I use all my wishes on you, I hope that they will come true

You should know how much you’re on my mind

Do you think of me when you come across these things?

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Not Myself, But I Feel Good

The alcohol turns my face red

I stand up and I feel it rush to my head

The world spins, but makes me feel right

My mind doesn’t really work, but my body feels light

 

I attract these feelings I never usually do

I think the alcohol makes me fall for you

Wish I could feel like this all the time

When I sober up, I wonder if you’ll still be mine

I Don’t…

I don’t want to go back to school,

I want to go back out there and explore the world.

I don’t want to go to college.

I’m missing out on everything while I’m stuck in a classroom.

I want to go my own way and break out of this terrible system.

I don’t want to be forced to go to school and go to college to get a job and a life I don’t want

This is NOT what I want.

I need to use the talents and ambition God gave me.

I don’t want to be another clone that these schools create.

I don’t want to be another number.

I want to explore, be myself, and live a life I deserve.

 

I was away for 10 days without the stress and worry, but it all hit me once I got home. I can’t get away until I actually go away. 

(Just got back from Italy not even an hour ago and I have school tomorrow.)

Letting Go

just some thoughts during algebra II/ trigonometry about a few “friends” of mine

it’s so easy to lose someone, or even push them away
some days you wake up and realize they’ve gotten in your way
you change every day, so do the people around you
and every different person makes you feel a different way
even if they’ve been in your life for so long, doesn’t mean your relationship will stay the same throughout the years
sometimes it’s just better to let go and find someone new
it’s possible that your closest ones are hurting you
you don’t realize the impact someone can have
until you let them go and you take a step back
sometimes it’s better to just let go and move on than to hold yourself back because of someone else’s wants
they can influence you in terrible ways, sometimes you just need to fly away.
to avoid drowning yourself for the benefit of someone else’s life, keep your distance and your head up, and avoid a relationship that’s a waste of time and full of lies.

Junior Year (so far)

All throughout middle school and high school, people would warn us younger students about Junior year. I always thought they were just exaggerating and trying to scare us upcoming Juniors. Well, finally my time has come and I completely understand what all the complaining and stress was about. I have only been a Junior for about 3 months and I’m mentally and physically drained, but I’m not even in accelerated classes. So far, I have been paying attention, participating, doing homework, so I expected I was doing well. I recently found out I am failing Algebra 2/ Trigonometry, which is strange because in class I get all the answers correct, but when tests come around I panic, over-think, and fail miserably. Also, Chemistry is a problem because I understand everything in class, but when I get my grades back I am always disappointed.

My problem is that when it comes to serious tests, conversations, or anything that can affect my future in some way, I get anxiety and cannot think straight. I know anxiety is a part of adolescence, but it is affecting me academically and I cannot afford to get back grades. Lately I have been putting in extra effort by doing additional practice on my own. I already feel like I am improving, but is it enough? All I want is to do well now, so I have more options in the future.