blurry

time in slow motion
wonder who you’re lovin
now things are different
I’m on this side holdin onto nothin

walk away, walk away from me
away from this place, i’ll let you be
my heart beats too fast, I can’t sleep
no more of this, you did this to me

time goes too fast,i can’t see
when I look back
everything is so blurry

our perception of time was different
connection we had was lost, so distant
was it good, was it bad, who cares/doesn’t matter, you already left
all I have left are all those songs you wrote
did you mean them, or was our time here just a joke

october 22, 2015 1:37 PM on train to London

this train

as this train slows down
my heart speeds up
spent hours in this seat
it’s time to get up

time to move forward
just like the train
get ready for the next few months
in this new city

I have nothing
I have nobody
all I have are these heavy bags
too big for me

took myself out of a familiar place
now in this city
not one recognizable face

(October 23, 2015 12:14 AM [London])

Old Friend…

The best feeling is when someone you haven’t talked to in a while contacts you out of the blue

You know you’ve been on their mind

Which makes you feel wanted in a different way than usual

That you had an impact on someone’s life

It makes you forget about the people and friends you see every day

It makes you think back to the old times you had with that person

Nothing drastic caused the pause in the friendship,

Just distance, new experience, a busy personal life, getting caught up in other things

There’s so much to talk about because it’s been so long

Each other’s presence makes the both of you happy

I just think it’s the best surprise and feeling a person could have from a relationship

The Outdoors And My Mind

Being outdoors really opens my mind

It gives me hope in a way

It makes me realize that there are so many different kinds of people out there

Everybody has their own story, each one is unique

I’m not alone in anything that I do

There will always be someone who will understand

They all go through their own struggles, too

There are so many different things to see, as well

No matter how hard things are, there’s always a place to go

If you think about it, you can run away from your problems

Find a place that provides clarity and peace, that’s all one needs

Being outdoors proves to me that I am not stuck here

This life is temporary, but it is in my hands to decide now what I will do with what I have to get me to where I need to go.

 

 

 

 

Wish

I wish for you when I look up at the sky, counting the stars that pass by

I even make wishes on the dandelions, growing too fast in the back garden

You’re my secret wish when I blow out the candles on my birthday

I use all my wishes on you, I hope that they will come true

You should know how much you’re on my mind

Do you think of me when you come across these things?

Friendship Downfall

You know you’ve reached the downfall in a friendship when you need to talk to someone about a personal problem, but you can’t get yourself to talk to a friend because you feel as if he/she won’t help.

I feel like I’m not getting any help in return of all the effort I put into my friend’s problems.

I try not to expect much out of anyone really, but I should be allowed to expect help when I need it, isn’t that what friends are for?

Are you ever stuck when you don’t know who to talk to anymore and you feel like you have reached the expiration date in your friendships? 

She Is Me

you used to talk to her every day

she always said something that kept your attention

no matter what she wore, she blew you away

she was easy going, there was never tension

 

maybe you did love her a little too much

she needed her distance and space

but to her, you were her crutch, trying to hold her up

let go, but don’t worry, you won’t be replaced

 

she feels guilty for making you fall

when she knew she wouldn’t be there long

but she had troubles of her own

you helped put her life in pause, but to her, you just didn’t belong

 

she had to go

I had to go

I’m sorry the feeling didn’t hold on strong enough to last long

I don’t know where my mind went wrong

Some Thoughts On Being Independent

Becoming independent and keeping my distance with others is the best thing I have ever done for myself. I used to be so caught up in the crowd and I would always be worried that I wouldn’t be accepted, but then I realized I can’t put my feelings and future self in someone else’s hands. Now that I’m not following the crowd anymore and I’m finally doing what I want without the thought of being judged has made me a better person who makes better decisions. I have also been more confident because I don’t care what others think of me. I can finally be myself around anyone, not just certain people, and I keep my distance with those who’s personalities don’t fit mine. I’m only going to get better, and hopefully it will help lead me towards success in anything I aspire to do.

Love: Does It Really Exist?

I don’t believe in (romantic) love. How do you know for sure you want to be with someone? Everybody has something to hide. Everybody has their flaws that are hard to accept and deal with. How do you know they’re true to who they put themselves out to be? I don’t understand how you don’t get sick of the person you’re with. I see couples everywhere I go. The ones in my school never seem happy, they’re usually together for their image or some selfish, insecure reason and end up breaking up every other month. People cheat, lie, don’t put enough effort into relationships, sometimes its a one way relationship because only one is keeping them together.

Eventually you fall out of love, you meet better people, and you change as a person every day. 

I know people will say, “if you don’t believe it, you won’t feel it,” but because I have never felt it, I will never believe it. The music I listen to is all about love, their relationships and perspectives on them. I try to put myself in their position, but I can never see myself feelings the things they do. I don’t know what it’s like to wake up every morning thinking about one person and going to sleep to dream about them. I’m not the type of person to commit. I love meeting new people and being free, not tied down, not locked up, keeping my options open.

Maybe I’m overthinking it. Maybe it’s simple, although nobody makes it seem that way. It seems complicated and like such a huge sacrifice. I can’t express my thoughts thoroughly enough.

Maybe I just figured it out…