scrapped

the sun is out
it is strong
now my body is hot

i feel cool
like the breeze
and the dewy grass beneath me

i feel fresh
like the flowers
that i lay in, they’re so small

i find shade
cools me off
watch the others run around

what the fuck is this

may 18, 2015 8:35 PM

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high school heart

she would cry every night trying to get him to love her again
her eyes were dark and full of sadness, a feeling she never planned

she went months without him, she started going mad
just one more touch was all she would ask

losing him, dreaming of him, she missed all the times
they used to be inseparable, in his hands, her heart still lies
time went by until she realized what had been missing
the hurt in her heart was his fault from the beginning

once again she found herself late at night
wondering why he had been gone this whole time

she knew the truth and it hurt to hear it from him
but the truth is better than not knowing a thing

if he loved her why would he leave her
hurting, breaking, alone
maybe because she didn’t know the love she had for him
until he was long gone

December 30 2:02 AM

blurry

time in slow motion
wonder who you’re lovin
now things are different
I’m on this side holdin onto nothin

walk away, walk away from me
away from this place, i’ll let you be
my heart beats too fast, I can’t sleep
no more of this, you did this to me

time goes too fast,i can’t see
when I look back
everything is so blurry

our perception of time was different
connection we had was lost, so distant
was it good, was it bad, who cares/doesn’t matter, you already left
all I have left are all those songs you wrote
did you mean them, or was our time here just a joke

october 22, 2015 1:37 PM on train to London

i cannot be broken

I’m not afraid of rejection
just afraid of being broken
it’s like spending your life building something
then getting it torn apart and left with nothing

I see how it works
how people think others are worth
at first it’s all love
then they all end up hurt

you can say no to me
go ahead, show honesty
but I don’t want to be stuck in a fantasy
wake up one day to a nightmare on elm street

I’m afraid of finally falling in love
then being left for someone better
I’m afraid of being the only one to not know
if something is wrong, if there’s another girl

I’m afraid of being who I always said I wouldn’t be
I don’t want someone to break me
I cannot be broken

(from November 4, 2015 21:45)

this train

as this train slows down
my heart speeds up
spent hours in this seat
it’s time to get up

time to move forward
just like the train
get ready for the next few months
in this new city

I have nothing
I have nobody
all I have are these heavy bags
too big for me

took myself out of a familiar place
now in this city
not one recognizable face

(October 23, 2015 12:14 AM [London])

a lighthouse down this block

there’s a lighthouse down this block
where I used to ride my bike
babe it’s been too long
since I’ve seen that light shine

I used to grab my things
a coat, a book, a pen
that’s all I learned to need
with simply that I was content

I spent hours of my days here
too many, or not enough
the memories are saved here
from myself and all my thoughts

one day I stopped going alone
that was when I met you
I’ve never seen the light so bright
until you first stepped in the room

I brought you to my favorite place
I trusted you with my heart
the only person who meant enough
even now that we’re apart

the days passed by, the breeze got cold
I never returned
I still pass by it once in a while
to make sure the light still burns

since you stopped showing up
I noticed some changes
the lights in the lighthouse used to be so bright
suddenly faded

(from August 29, 2015 3:54 AM)

guide me there

brain dead
body numb
sleep on sleep
no work done

morning comes
wake up wake up
Truman show
home, but lost

less sleep
more time
brain works
I’m fine

lead the way
out of here
creative mind
guide me there