no tomorrow’s

i tell myself
no tomorrow’s
only now’s
and maybe some
“in 5 minutes”
but no tomorrow’s

i tell myself
no more tomorrow’s
i tell myself
goodbye to procrastination
you’ve hurt me enough
maybe some
“i need a break, I’ll continue in a few hours,”
but no tomorrow’s

i tell myself
no tomorrow’s
work your ass off
there’s no time to say tomorrow
when you’re doing nothing right now
silly girl
you’ll learn
before you fall even deeper
in this world

no tomorrow’s


where are you

Emotions drown my eyes
Music defines time
Drinks erase my mind
Heart beats out of line

Can’t see anymore
Can’t think anymore
Can’t breathe anymore
Where are you, when I’m here

Hot water dripping down
Wipe the steam from the window
Cold air and the snow
I’m cold I’m alone
Hungover I’m alone
Addicted to you, I suppose
Going through withdrawals, don’t you know
I’m stripped down, emotionally exposed
I’m like an open wound, can’t do this alone

Do you see me
Do you miss me
Do you want me
Don’t leave me
Where are you, when I’m here

Traveling and You

Traveling is wonderful. You go away for 2 weeks, 2 months, however long you choose. You explore. Meet new people. Learn about differences between your city and the one you’re in. You put yourself out there to create the feeling of a temporary home. Then the place becomes a home. But the next thing you know you’re on the plane heading home.

Back to your “old” life. How did time go by so fast? It’s like time at home was on pause since you left, because it doesn’t feel like you have. You come back a different person with a different mind, yet everything around you is still the same. You no longer feel that freedom and inspiration to explore. You’re already in a place you know too well. You want to go back and do it over to make sure you appreciated every little detail and didn’t miss one opportunity. It’s addictive. You want to leave again. You want to experience the feeling of being new to something, someplace. There’s no place like home, yes, that’s true, but you can create a home anywhere you go. The hardest part is leaving a place you fall in love with so quickly and became a part of. A place that became a part of you.

Eventually we all head home, to our “old” lives once again. Some of us take these experiences and use them to create new lives, but some simply like the short getaway. Either way, both types of people, no matter how hard it is for them to leave a new place, us travelers know that traveling is the most enriching and self-fulfilling experience for anyone. It teaches you things about life that no story or book could help you understand.

Trust Only Yourself

If there’s anything I learned in high school, it’s never trust anybody, even ones who seem closest to you. People will betray you because they will act without thinking twice about their relationship with you. If you learn to not get attached, you won’t get hurt. I learned that I should keep my distance with people, especially when I feel that I’m getting too close with someone. Getting too close and personal can lead to bad situations, it always happens to me, at least.

I haven’t experienced betrayal as much as I’ve witnessed it, maybe because I see everything from the outside of situations since I’m not caught up in drama or the people really involved in it. In some ways I like being different than others, but sometimes I wish I was going through the same emotions and problems as others instead of knowing right from wrong. I want to experience heartbreak and excitement. Recently, I took a step back and really thought about my relationship with my “friends,” and honestly I don’t even consider anybody a friend anymore. Everybody is a lying, two-faced, selfish alien.

Even though I can’t consider anyone a friend and I can’t even trust the people I thought were my close friends, I’m happy I’m not attached to a group or a clique because being independent will be better for me in the long run. It will be easy to leave and move on from high school. I don’t listen to anybody’s opinion about who I am because I know myself better than anybody ever will and I only trust myself. 

PLUS: All the kids at my school want to do is get drunk and high, and if they can’t, they won’t even go out at all. We live right in the suburbs of New York Freaking City, what is so difficult about hopping on the train and having fun and exploring life without alcohol or drugs?