scrapped

the sun is out
it is strong
now my body is hot

i feel cool
like the breeze
and the dewy grass beneath me

i feel fresh
like the flowers
that i lay in, they’re so small

i find shade
cools me off
watch the others run around

what the fuck is this

may 18, 2015 8:35 PM

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high school heart

she would cry every night trying to get him to love her again
her eyes were dark and full of sadness, a feeling she never planned

she went months without him, she started going mad
just one more touch was all she would ask

losing him, dreaming of him, she missed all the times
they used to be inseparable, in his hands, her heart still lies
time went by until she realized what had been missing
the hurt in her heart was his fault from the beginning

once again she found herself late at night
wondering why he had been gone this whole time

she knew the truth and it hurt to hear it from him
but the truth is better than not knowing a thing

if he loved her why would he leave her
hurting, breaking, alone
maybe because she didn’t know the love she had for him
until he was long gone

December 30 2:02 AM

this train

as this train slows down
my heart speeds up
spent hours in this seat
it’s time to get up

time to move forward
just like the train
get ready for the next few months
in this new city

I have nothing
I have nobody
all I have are these heavy bags
too big for me

took myself out of a familiar place
now in this city
not one recognizable face

(October 23, 2015 12:14 AM [London])

a lighthouse down this block

there’s a lighthouse down this block
where I used to ride my bike
babe it’s been too long
since I’ve seen that light shine

I used to grab my things
a coat, a book, a pen
that’s all I learned to need
with simply that I was content

I spent hours of my days here
too many, or not enough
the memories are saved here
from myself and all my thoughts

one day I stopped going alone
that was when I met you
I’ve never seen the light so bright
until you first stepped in the room

I brought you to my favorite place
I trusted you with my heart
the only person who meant enough
even now that we’re apart

the days passed by, the breeze got cold
I never returned
I still pass by it once in a while
to make sure the light still burns

since you stopped showing up
I noticed some changes
the lights in the lighthouse used to be so bright
suddenly faded

(from August 29, 2015 3:54 AM)

guide me there

brain dead
body numb
sleep on sleep
no work done

morning comes
wake up wake up
Truman show
home, but lost

less sleep
more time
brain works
I’m fine

lead the way
out of here
creative mind
guide me there

another poem about sleep

sleep is strange
it’s bitter sweet
time feels like it stops
while under the sheets
so much time passes
with eyelids closed
I wonder where I would be
if I wasn’t out cold

if I didn’t need sleep

(from 3/3/15 12:00 am)

sleepless again

I try to keep myself busy
so I won’t overthink
but once I lay down at midnight to sleep
the thoughts suffocate my mind

I am always tired
I wish there was a way to keep my thoughts calm
I push through the sleepy feeling
and force my body to work
but once again
when I lay down the next night
my mind is the one that works