To The Moon

to the moon
i will reach
i will plant my star
in the deep, universe sea

a piece of the stars
was given to me
from the moment of my existence
a piece of my peace

to be one with this place
on earth I will stay
but I will reach the moon one day
to return the star it gave me that day

Skinny Love Explicit

i cannot open up to others
when you’re still all i think about
i don’t cross your mind
as much as i want

how can i be sure
that you don’t think of me too
when i look back on our time
i see the love you kept inside

you came to me
couldn’t let me go in the mornings
i never told you how i felt
maybe you thought i didn’t feel anything

for a short time, i was around
i didn’t want to plant something in your mind
it would only hurt, i only wanted good
i wonder if it’s too late to tell you

across the blue you are
living your life as before
but from the start you meant so much to me
i hope this can continue somehow

this is so fucking hard
you’re the only one who ever made me feel this way
eighteen years without it
but you showed me it does exist

i do hope you’re happy
however our lives end up
but for now i refuse to sit back
and not fight for my first love

i hate using that word
“love”
it’s all people talk about
but now i understand them for once

i could write about you for days
for years, pages and pages
i could never get sick of you
right now i’m missing you like crazy

i don’t want to go crazy
that’s the thing
i want to open my heart
to others around me
but if i do
i would let go of you
and that’s the last thing
i would ever want to do

whether or not you feel the same way
just to be in your life
i would feel okay

though it makes it easier on me
being so far away
but if you took a plane over the ocean
in a second i would fall hard again

i never lost feelings
they’re just easy to ignore
cause i haven’t seen you in months
i can’t do this anymore

that first day
the first day i saw you
i wrote about you
how much i already appreciated you

i guess it was love at first sight
for me, at least, from my side
even though to this day i still barely know you
i know enough to be in love with you

Not Sure What I’m Thinking

i have been feeling so empty
though i think i figured out what’s missing
i’m just afraid to get it, grab it, and realize i need to keep it
but i refuse to rely on something else, i don’t want to need anything

i’m like a walking contradiction
say one thing then change my opinion
im a hypocrisy in the flesh, living
every day different thinking

i’m inconsistent, like this weather
warm for a second, then so cold my skin cracks
i know what i need, but I don’t want to need what I know
though what i do know will make me feel better
but i’ll have to put my heart in someone else’s hands,
something i don’t want

not many seem to be alone like me
too many years gone by with this metaphorical hole only growing
i’m strong, at least I try, but a girl like me hides her weakness inside
most of the time i feel fine, but to myself there are times that I lie

i might look like i know what to do
but inside I feel like a complete fool
deceiving myself with what i think i need could be in front of me
but i just push anything away that it could be
instead of letting it become a part of me

too much time alone could help you destroy yourself
it changes you, makes you think too much
then when you find out what you need, it’s hard to go and get it
when you only know yourself, you forget what you’ve been missing

i’m like the sun on a cloudy day
i shine once in a while, when nothing gets in the way
but when i’m not seen i feel i could be wanted
but if i’m too far how could anyone tell me

i might be wanted, but my answers also seem to be hiding
but if no one can see me, they can’t tell me what they’re thinking
i’m avoiding what i thought i needed all this time
but if i need something why don’t i grab it once it’s in sight
i’m so indecisive and my thoughts are contradicting
but my mind changes every day of my life, i don’t even know what i’m thinking

Traveling and You

Traveling is wonderful. You go away for 2 weeks, 2 months, however long you choose. You explore. Meet new people. Learn about differences between your city and the one you’re in. You put yourself out there to create the feeling of a temporary home. Then the place becomes a home. But the next thing you know you’re on the plane heading home.

Back to your “old” life. How did time go by so fast? It’s like time at home was on pause since you left, because it doesn’t feel like you have. You come back a different person with a different mind, yet everything around you is still the same. You no longer feel that freedom and inspiration to explore. You’re already in a place you know too well. You want to go back and do it over to make sure you appreciated every little detail and didn’t miss one opportunity. It’s addictive. You want to leave again. You want to experience the feeling of being new to something, someplace. There’s no place like home, yes, that’s true, but you can create a home anywhere you go. The hardest part is leaving a place you fall in love with so quickly and became a part of. A place that became a part of you.

Eventually we all head home, to our “old” lives once again. Some of us take these experiences and use them to create new lives, but some simply like the short getaway. Either way, both types of people, no matter how hard it is for them to leave a new place, us travelers know that traveling is the most enriching and self-fulfilling experience for anyone. It teaches you things about life that no story or book could help you understand.

Day Dreaming

Getting lost in my mind

Detaches me from what I see with my eyes.

The separation of reality and dreams

Isn’t always a bad thing, sometimes relieving.

I love losing touch with whats in front of me

And explore what’s going on in my mind.

Getting attached to my thoughts

Can actually help me.

My own personal free-for-all

Nobody needs to know about.

Letting go of the “now” to dream and use my crazy, messed up mind,¬†

It’s something I look forward to, it helps me sleep at night

Numb vs Pain

It’s so easy to not feel anything,

the more pain I should feel, the more I hold back.

Then there are those days when I break down.

It all builds up, then that’s when it’s painful

I wish I could be normal and let it out on time

but I’m different, and so is my mind.

I feel numb most of my days

until something hits me and breaks through the numbed space

Dreams or Goals

I’m always mad, mostly at myself, because I give up too easily especially when something gets hard. I have talents that I want to share with the world and be known by them, but I’m not motivated enough to go through with them. It’s hard when I’m more lazy than ambitious.

I always make up scenarios in my mind about what could happen if I decide to do certain things, but then I snap back to reality and realize that none of it will happen. I get caught up in my unrealistic fantasies, so I don’t have the mindset to work on reality and my future. I want to do music and/ or songwriting because it’s what I enjoy most and always makes me feel accomplished and satisfied with myself. I just need to get out of my head, do something¬†real and just keep trying. The hardest part of taking action is knowing where to start.

It’s difficult to put yourself out there when there are hundreds of thousands of people doing the same thing, so it just comes down to luck. This is why I get so attached to my dreams because the chances of them coming true are so slim, it’s not motivating enough to become a goal, a priority. Even though I do take music and writing seriously, what are the chances of becoming successful in those areas? Maybe I just need some luck and I’ll make it.