the sun is out
it is strong
now my body is hot
i feel cool
like the breeze
and the dewy grass beneath me
i feel fresh
like the flowers
that i lay in, they’re so small
i find shade
cools me off
watch the others run around
what the fuck is this
may 18, 2015 8:35 PM
it’s been months
finally the sun has come out
was I in a dark dream
have i just woken up
this sunlight, so foreign
like the first time i’m feeling it
it’s almost nostalgic
triggers mood so pensive
open up the shades
let the real light in
she would cry every night trying to get him to love her again
her eyes were dark and full of sadness, a feeling she never planned
she went months without him, she started going mad
just one more touch was all she would ask
losing him, dreaming of him, she missed all the times
they used to be inseparable, in his hands, her heart still lies
time went by until she realized what had been missing
the hurt in her heart was his fault from the beginning
once again she found herself late at night
wondering why he had been gone this whole time
she knew the truth and it hurt to hear it from him
but the truth is better than not knowing a thing
if he loved her why would he leave her
hurting, breaking, alone
maybe because she didn’t know the love she had for him
until he was long gone
December 30 2:02 AM
time in slow motion
wonder who you’re lovin
now things are different
I’m on this side holdin onto nothin
walk away, walk away from me
away from this place, i’ll let you be
my heart beats too fast, I can’t sleep
no more of this, you did this to me
time goes too fast,i can’t see
when I look back
everything is so blurry
our perception of time was different
connection we had was lost, so distant
was it good, was it bad, who cares/doesn’t matter, you already left
all I have left are all those songs you wrote
did you mean them, or was our time here just a joke
october 22, 2015 1:37 PM on train to London
as this train slows down
my heart speeds up
spent hours in this seat
it’s time to get up
time to move forward
just like the train
get ready for the next few months
in this new city
I have nothing
I have nobody
all I have are these heavy bags
too big for me
took myself out of a familiar place
now in this city
not one recognizable face
(October 23, 2015 12:14 AM [London])
there’s a lighthouse down this block
where I used to ride my bike
babe it’s been too long
since I’ve seen that light shine
I used to grab my things
a coat, a book, a pen
that’s all I learned to need
with simply that I was content
I spent hours of my days here
too many, or not enough
the memories are saved here
from myself and all my thoughts
one day I stopped going alone
that was when I met you
I’ve never seen the light so bright
until you first stepped in the room
I brought you to my favorite place
I trusted you with my heart
the only person who meant enough
even now that we’re apart
the days passed by, the breeze got cold
I never returned
I still pass by it once in a while
to make sure the light still burns
since you stopped showing up
I noticed some changes
the lights in the lighthouse used to be so bright
(from August 29, 2015 3:54 AM)
sleep on sleep
no work done
wake up wake up
home, but lost
lead the way
out of here
guide me there
during the day i avoid
i avoid things i know will intrude on my peace
i filter bad words
so my mind is at peace
but at night
everything comes back in my dreams
i wake up scared and distressed
i create bad things
since i don’t confront them awake
i confront them in my sleep
I don’t want to go back to school,
I want to go back out there and explore the world.
I don’t want to go to college.
I’m missing out on everything while I’m stuck in a classroom.
I want to go my own way and break out of this terrible system.
I don’t want to be forced to go to school and go to college to get a job and a life I don’t want
This is NOT what I want.
I need to use the talents and ambition God gave me.
I don’t want to be another clone that these schools create.
I don’t want to be another number.
I want to explore, be myself, and live a life I deserve.
I was away for 10 days without the stress and worry, but it all hit me once I got home. I can’t get away until I actually go away.
(Just got back from Italy not even an hour ago and I have school tomorrow.)
Just another day my dreams didn’t come true.
Another day of being let down from my high expectations.
I don’t know why I expect so much out of myself when I do so little,
but there’s no one to push me to accomplish my goals.
There’s always excuses or forced conflicts, so I can’t spend time on my personal activities that I enjoy.
Nobody understands how important these little things are because they are who I am, I can’t disregard them.
I need a break from the forced work and spend more time accomplishing my personal goals.
The more goals I set for myself, the more I resent myself because I never accomplish them.
My life has been taken over by numbers that represent who I am.
I should not defined by the numbers they put next to my name.
I want to be defined by what I accomplished and created on my own. It’s what I need.