during the day i avoid
i avoid things i know will intrude on my peace
i filter bad words
so my mind is at peace
but at night
everything comes back in my dreams
i wake up scared and distressed
i create bad things
since i don’t confront them awake
i confront them in my sleep
I don’t want to go back to school,
I want to go back out there and explore the world.
I don’t want to go to college.
I’m missing out on everything while I’m stuck in a classroom.
I want to go my own way and break out of this terrible system.
I don’t want to be forced to go to school and go to college to get a job and a life I don’t want
This is NOT what I want.
I need to use the talents and ambition God gave me.
I don’t want to be another clone that these schools create.
I don’t want to be another number.
I want to explore, be myself, and live a life I deserve.
I was away for 10 days without the stress and worry, but it all hit me once I got home. I can’t get away until I actually go away.
(Just got back from Italy not even an hour ago and I have school tomorrow.)
Just another day my dreams didn’t come true.
Another day of being let down from my high expectations.
I don’t know why I expect so much out of myself when I do so little,
but there’s no one to push me to accomplish my goals.
There’s always excuses or forced conflicts, so I can’t spend time on my personal activities that I enjoy.
Nobody understands how important these little things are because they are who I am, I can’t disregard them.
I need a break from the forced work and spend more time accomplishing my personal goals.
The more goals I set for myself, the more I resent myself because I never accomplish them.
My life has been taken over by numbers that represent who I am.
I should not defined by the numbers they put next to my name.
I want to be defined by what I accomplished and created on my own. It’s what I need.
The older I get, the more I learn,
and the more I know.
The more I know, the more my thoughts take over.
But either way I get hurt,
between being oblivious and having the knowledge that causes stress and worry.
I want to stop growing mentally