new sun

it’s been months
finally the sun has come out
was I in a dark dream
have i just woken up
this sunlight, so foreign
like the first time i’m feeling it
it’s almost nostalgic
triggers mood so pensive
open up the shades
let the real light in


high school heart

she would cry every night trying to get him to love her again
her eyes were dark and full of sadness, a feeling she never planned

she went months without him, she started going mad
just one more touch was all she would ask

losing him, dreaming of him, she missed all the times
they used to be inseparable, in his hands, her heart still lies
time went by until she realized what had been missing
the hurt in her heart was his fault from the beginning

once again she found herself late at night
wondering why he had been gone this whole time

she knew the truth and it hurt to hear it from him
but the truth is better than not knowing a thing

if he loved her why would he leave her
hurting, breaking, alone
maybe because she didn’t know the love she had for him
until he was long gone

December 30 2:02 AM


time in slow motion
wonder who you’re lovin
now things are different
I’m on this side holdin onto nothin

walk away, walk away from me
away from this place, i’ll let you be
my heart beats too fast, I can’t sleep
no more of this, you did this to me

time goes too fast,i can’t see
when I look back
everything is so blurry

our perception of time was different
connection we had was lost, so distant
was it good, was it bad, who cares/doesn’t matter, you already left
all I have left are all those songs you wrote
did you mean them, or was our time here just a joke

october 22, 2015 1:37 PM on train to London

this train

as this train slows down
my heart speeds up
spent hours in this seat
it’s time to get up

time to move forward
just like the train
get ready for the next few months
in this new city

I have nothing
I have nobody
all I have are these heavy bags
too big for me

took myself out of a familiar place
now in this city
not one recognizable face

(October 23, 2015 12:14 AM [London])

a lighthouse down this block

there’s a lighthouse down this block
where I used to ride my bike
babe it’s been too long
since I’ve seen that light shine

I used to grab my things
a coat, a book, a pen
that’s all I learned to need
with simply that I was content

I spent hours of my days here
too many, or not enough
the memories are saved here
from myself and all my thoughts

one day I stopped going alone
that was when I met you
I’ve never seen the light so bright
until you first stepped in the room

I brought you to my favorite place
I trusted you with my heart
the only person who meant enough
even now that we’re apart

the days passed by, the breeze got cold
I never returned
I still pass by it once in a while
to make sure the light still burns

since you stopped showing up
I noticed some changes
the lights in the lighthouse used to be so bright
suddenly faded

(from August 29, 2015 3:54 AM)

another poem about sleep

sleep is strange
it’s bitter sweet
time feels like it stops
while under the sheets
so much time passes
with eyelids closed
I wonder where I would be
if I wasn’t out cold

if I didn’t need sleep

(from 3/3/15 12:00 am)

booty calls

i love when you text me
late at night
cause i know what i’ll be

i love that there’s no connection
between you and me

we both know what this is
i feel like a rebel
in the midst of obedient earth angels

an anarchist
in a society chained to the rules
attached to what they’re told

like a newborn and it’s first bottle

inability to deviate
inability to question

so call me at 3 in the morning
when I’m in bed mourning
over the lost soul of mine
through the physical numbness I’m used for
with you in between or sheets
or above
either way

call me at 4 in the morning
after the girl you truly want
refuses to be with you
she walked away from you
at the bar, when you both drank too much

so you call me
to slightly fulfill that part of you
we both wake up the next day
feeling the same way
we did before
neither moving forward nor backward
neither helping, nor damaging

call me at 5 in the morning

i’m here.