she would cry every night trying to get him to love her again
her eyes were dark and full of sadness, a feeling she never planned
she went months without him, she started going mad
just one more touch was all she would ask
losing him, dreaming of him, she missed all the times
they used to be inseparable, in his hands, her heart still lies
time went by until she realized what had been missing
the hurt in her heart was his fault from the beginning
once again she found herself late at night
wondering why he had been gone this whole time
she knew the truth and it hurt to hear it from him
but the truth is better than not knowing a thing
if he loved her why would he leave her
hurting, breaking, alone
maybe because she didn’t know the love she had for him
until he was long gone
December 30 2:02 AM
time in slow motion
wonder who you’re lovin
now things are different
I’m on this side holdin onto nothin
walk away, walk away from me
away from this place, i’ll let you be
my heart beats too fast, I can’t sleep
no more of this, you did this to me
time goes too fast,i can’t see
when I look back
everything is so blurry
our perception of time was different
connection we had was lost, so distant
was it good, was it bad, who cares/doesn’t matter, you already left
all I have left are all those songs you wrote
did you mean them, or was our time here just a joke
october 22, 2015 1:37 PM on train to London
as this train slows down
my heart speeds up
spent hours in this seat
it’s time to get up
time to move forward
just like the train
get ready for the next few months
in this new city
I have nothing
I have nobody
all I have are these heavy bags
too big for me
took myself out of a familiar place
now in this city
not one recognizable face
(October 23, 2015 12:14 AM [London])
sleep on sleep
no work done
wake up wake up
home, but lost
lead the way
out of here
guide me there
during the day i avoid
i avoid things i know will intrude on my peace
i filter bad words
so my mind is at peace
but at night
everything comes back in my dreams
i wake up scared and distressed
i create bad things
since i don’t confront them awake
i confront them in my sleep
Traveling is wonderful. You go away for 2 weeks, 2 months, however long you choose. You explore. Meet new people. Learn about differences between your city and the one you’re in. You put yourself out there to create the feeling of a temporary home. Then the place becomes a home. But the next thing you know you’re on the plane heading home.
Back to your “old” life. How did time go by so fast? It’s like time at home was on pause since you left, because it doesn’t feel like you have. You come back a different person with a different mind, yet everything around you is still the same. You no longer feel that freedom and inspiration to explore. You’re already in a place you know too well. You want to go back and do it over to make sure you appreciated every little detail and didn’t miss one opportunity. It’s addictive. You want to leave again. You want to experience the feeling of being new to something, someplace. There’s no place like home, yes, that’s true, but you can create a home anywhere you go. The hardest part is leaving a place you fall in love with so quickly and became a part of. A place that became a part of you.
Eventually we all head home, to our “old” lives once again. Some of us take these experiences and use them to create new lives, but some simply like the short getaway. Either way, both types of people, no matter how hard it is for them to leave a new place, us travelers know that traveling is the most enriching and self-fulfilling experience for anyone. It teaches you things about life that no story or book could help you understand.
Just another day my dreams didn’t come true.
Another day of being let down from my high expectations.
I don’t know why I expect so much out of myself when I do so little,
but there’s no one to push me to accomplish my goals.
There’s always excuses or forced conflicts, so I can’t spend time on my personal activities that I enjoy.
Nobody understands how important these little things are because they are who I am, I can’t disregard them.
I need a break from the forced work and spend more time accomplishing my personal goals.
The more goals I set for myself, the more I resent myself because I never accomplish them.
My life has been taken over by numbers that represent who I am.
I should not defined by the numbers they put next to my name.
I want to be defined by what I accomplished and created on my own. It’s what I need.